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  • Guest post by some helpful aliens

Why It's Not A Good Idea to Abduct An Alien


Link to Part 1

Link to Part 2

Thelma: I'm just going to say it. We’ve lost Larry.

Carl: We think he was abducted. Which is ironic, right? Am I using that term the right way?

Thelma: Yes, it’s ironic. The abductor was abducted.

Carl: Ok, we’ll admit, he was lying before. He is terrified of the color yellow. It looks like someone thought it would be funny to set a little trap for him, and it worked.

Thelma: Using all those rubber ducks to herd him into a giant pit was, I'll admit it, kind of clever. But I don’t think you understand - it’s not safe for an alien to be on Earth for extended periods of time.

Carl: Especially someone as impressionable as Larry.

Thelma: I wouldn’t say impressionable.

Carl: The guy can be convinced to do anything. Give him a kit-kat and he’ll do your homework, or fix your internet connection. Or give your worst enemy his "Tentacle Treatment."

Thelma: Wait, you’re making it sound like it’s a good idea to abduct an alien.

Carl: Oh. Oops. No. He won’t do any of those things. Instead, he’ll eat your cat and slime your couch. And he’s not potty-trained.

Thelma: Just give him back. Honestly, it’s for your own good. And please don’t hurt him.

Carl: He’s not a bad Nerdzer, really.

Thelma: We don’t want him to fall into the wrong hands. Government hands. I’ll be honest, I was lying before when I said the authorities are working with us. They aren’t. And when they catch us, they do really unspeakable things to us.

Carl: All those questions . . . examinations . . . feeding us really bad food.

Thelma: What exactly is olive loaf?

Carl: You Earthlings can be really mean.


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© 2016 by Sheila Grau

Art by Joe Sutphin