What To Do When You Are Abducted by Aliens, Part 2

(Link to Part 1)

Thelma: Hi there, Earthlings! I’m Thelma.

Carl: And I’m Carl.

Larry: And I’m Larry. As we said before, those are the Earth-equivalent of our Nerzbedoink names (and Nerzbedoink is also an Earth-equivalent name).

Thelma: We’re back with more tips.

Carl: Yeah, it seems some of you Earthlings misinterpreted some of our suggestions.

Larry: I am not - repeat - NOT afraid of the color yellow. Those of you wearing banana costumes – it’s not working! I love bananas. I love the way the color looks like the squishy skin of a Nerzbedoink slug, the ones that slither up your tentacles leaving a trail of burning slime and . . . oh my Nerzo I’m think I’m going to faint.

Thelma: Listen, we understand that a lot of things are exaggerated in the press. Alien abductions are an easy subject for horror movies and the like, but it’s not a big deal. There’s really no need to resist.

Carl: Yeah, lots of you guys are fighting back.

Thelma: We have to be careful, because one open wound and all your Earth pathogens get into our blood.

Larry: Yeah, think about us for a change. Abducting humans is really dangerous work for a Nerzbedoinker. Really dangerous.

Thelma: And we are having problems on the other end of the spectrum as well. Yes, we are asking that you don’t fight us, but we also have to tell some of you — No, you can’t come with us. We know a lot of you aren’t happy with your current leadership selection —

Carl: —I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this: “Just take me with you. Please. Or send that meteor we’ve been hearing so much about.”

Thelma: We’ve got problems of our own back home.

Larry: Which is why we’re looking for a new one.

Thelma: Shhh.

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